I close my eyes and
I imagine near me all the people whom I loved.
I picture their faces, their smiles, their sweetness and
The longing looks as if it is hiding every one of their faults,
Incidentally, all my dead are perfect.
I see no spirits, I hear no voices, I see no ghost,
What I see are the images stuck in my subconscious
Of those who I loved and
That will love eternally.
With each passing day life wear their names,
As if it were blotting them out gradually as the ones that did not love them as I did
Stopped pronouncing their names making them just a wispy memory of those who once were, but I cannot forget nor I like to forget them because they were too precious to me.
I don’t blame those who have forgotten, or to tell me, “Never mind!”
How could they understand the love with which I loved them?
My weakness, my depression, my neurosis seem to reinforce my longing.
I close my eyes and imagine them so close, if it is either my health or disease, eases a little my nostalgia.
In a cruel sequence, with short gap of time death robbed me shamelessly,
Brother, aunt, father and friends leaving a big void impossible to fill.
In a cruel sequence, with short gap of time life hurt me deeply by those I trusted.
I was betrayed, hurt and abandoned by the living and the dead, leaving me inexplicably sick. I fell like I am in a free fall into a pit that seemed bottomless,
All I see the darkness.
An unprecedented confusion took my mind
And mortally wounded my heart.
I lost confidence in the living and in the dead,
I lost confidence in myself.
I lost the way back and still have not found it.
I lost my breath,
I lost my enthusiasm
I lost the passion,
I lost the joy,
I lost the feeling of life.
By opening my eyes and looking back I see only snippets of myself left the floor.
I got rid gradually so that today collect and unite all these scraps one by one is a dead-end job and for which I lack the strength and morale.
I decided to leave it on the road and get on with what is remained.
So, I feel lighter, as if it were slowly fading into history,
Leaving only me, with a weak self, naked and wounded, scandal and scorn,
An I seek to follow even without force and without courage,
Only then, as one who do not know where want to go and why want to go.
(Please, help me to share this, might be a help to others.) If you like my poems you might want to check my poetry book “Aphorism of a Restless Soul”